Here comes another season change, button down the hatches! Spring is here and I’m so excited! I can’t wait for the cold days to turn warm and the brown ground and trees to become colorful. Something I’m not looking forward to is constantly wondering if my mood is high because it’s my favorite time of year, or if it’s because I’m hypomanic.
I have a bipolar disorder, and I love spring. These are two seperate facts that intermingle into a confusing mess. Am I happy due to the lovely weather, or is it an effect from my mental illness? When we’re talking about hypomania we’re talking about what can be fairly minor changes in a person’s mood and energy, and the longer days naturally bring similar feelings about.
I have decided that this season I’m not going to nitpick about the cause of a good mood, but rather, enjoy it. As long as I’m not doing anything dangerous or destructive, I want to enjoy life when I can. I spend so much time feeling empty, sad, anxious, or like I am a piece of shit (don’t worry, I go to therapy every week and we’re working on it) that when I can feel good, I want to.
Fingers crossed it warms up soon and I’m able to play outside* every day after work and on the weekends too!
*”Play” outside for me means: read on the screened in porch with my cats making their dreams come true, take long walks, visit public gardens, go get a snowball (I hear this is more a MD thing, they are better than snowcones and I highly recommend having one if ever in MD in the warmer months) etc.