How many medications have you been on?  How many of those medications were for the same interwoven symptoms?  For many people with mental illness, the answers to these questions are often a handful or more.  Mine is fifteen going on sixteen. Some of these medications worked for a little while, some didn’t do a thing.  They were all taken in some sort of combination, trying to work together. Some of them I still take, most of them I don’t.

My List:

  1. Abilify
  2. Buspar
  3. Celexa
  4. Gabapentin
  5. Geodon
  6. Klonopin
  7. Lamictal
  8. Latuda
  9. Lithium
  10. Prozac
  11. Seroquel
  12. Trintellix
  13. Vistaril
  14. Wellbutrin
  15. Zoloft

Honestly, there are possibly some medications missing from my list.  When the list gets to a certain number it becomes hard to keep track of them all.  My newest addition is Remeron (number 16). Fingers crossed this is the one.

With this many medications, along with other treatments, like TMS and years of counseling, I can look at my situation one of two ways.  I can think that nothing will ever work and I’ve tried enough. Or can look at it and think, “wow, I’ve really stuck in there and have been working hard to get well.”  As much as the first option pulls at my depression as sounding right, I’m choosing to think of it the other way.

Addendum:

My goal with this blog is to help others as well as myself.  I want to do my part to end the stigma against mental illness.  To do this honesty is key. So, while I know the right answer is to be optimistic, a lot of days my real thought is: When is it okay to give up?