I have written and posted 100 times since the beginning of Don’t Stigmatize Me.  I started this blog on November 2, 2016.  Since then, I have gone through, and written about, a variety of experiences.  This blog has helped me express myself, share my thoughts and feelings, and reach out to others who need help.

My first post was A Letter to My Mental Illness so, for the 100th post, I have decided to write a follow up letter.

Dear Mental Illness,

Last time I wrote to you, I had convinced myself that TMS would rid me of you.  Unfortunately I was wrong.

You have always been sly, doing subtle things that made a diagnosis hard.  Your name kept changing: Major Depression, Bipolar II, Mood Disorder NOS.  I now know that at least for the moment, I can call you Bipolar II.

You always seem to turn up at the most inopportune times.  The worst was recently.  You showed up just when my husband and I were going to start trying to have a baby.  You do this and things like it to push me down.  You thrive on causing me pain, and I know how disappointed you are when your attempts are thwarted, which is often; when you push me down, I have people who help pull me back on my feet even when I’d rather be left to rot.

Since my last letter, I have learned a lot.  I have learned about you and your kin, such as major depression and anxiety.  I have learned ways to deal with you, as well as how you interact with others.  I have become a mental health advocate, and have persisted even when it was hard.

Who would I be without you?  What would my life look like?  I don’t know, and so I do not wish you had never appeared, but I do wish you would tire and leave me alone.

Reluctantly yours,

Sara